Lunatics in the Garden.

madgarden
This is one of my herb gardens. Um, I’m beginning to think I may have overdone the wildflower seed mix.

I’m sitting here scribbling away to the new Agnes Obel album Citizen of Glass, which is due to be released in a few days.* One of the tracks off the album – ‘Familiar’ – was released a couple of months ago, and I’ve been enjoying that one, but was curious to see how her new album would shape up. I’m not really allowed to say anything at this point, because it’s not yet released…so I’ll sit on my hands for a few days and let you know what I think after that.

Anyway, I want to mention this post by Mel. Because it’s one of the most beautiful (and beautifully written) things, ever, (truly). I found myself chuckling and tearful at the same time. And I came away feeling thrilled and tender and alive. I so hope we get to hear more stories about a horse called Buzz, and his lovely Mel.

I have no idea why the above text is in bold. But there you are. I can’t actually un-bold it. WordPress is quite bedevilled.

Anyway, I managed to henna my hair again, (long overdue), and I’m really liking the results this time. Each time I do it, there’s a subtle difference in the colour and tone. And I got to thinking about writing a post about henna, but also about other beauty stuff at some point. A kind of over 40’s, slightly off-centre, diy, witchy version of beauty, anyway…

It might be a pleasant diversion perhaps to swap notes and ideas, and chat about some pretties…because to be honest, the mainstream media’s version of beauty and cosmetics tends to give me hairballs. And it’s frankly often absurd and insulting to my age-group and intelligence. Not to mention the environment. And my budget.

All this powerful lunar energy, hey? I mean, even more!

The weekend was beautiful. A sweet interlude. On Saturday, by the light of that great glob of moon, a group of kindreds gathered with me, and we sat around a fire, chatting and looking at the stars, (for the sky was clear enough, for once). And we laughed an awful lot. Which is a fine tonic, is it not?

And it was here that the last scraps of an old, insidious and jagged little spell that had lodged itself in my heart, was finally broken with the power of laughter.

The laughter of people who see me clearly, and know who I am. They helped me laugh away a spell cast by a subversively malignant fairy. One who for so many weary years has spent simply too much energy trying to covertly control and manipulate the narrative of how I am seen. And the narrative, in general. I used to feel so hurt and angry, and terribly confused by this. The lies, and the hunger for the vulnerabilities of others.

Once upon a time…

But time is a kind, if ruthless, teacher. I have more knowledge now about narcissism, especially the covert kind, and how not to engage that dance card. Because it’s a dance, for sure. And I was good at that dance. I don’t blame anyone else for that.

I have better boundaries now, and hopefully more compassion, (from a distance, I’ll admit). I have a greater understanding of how deeply fractured and unhappy someone must be, to behave as they do. I truly wish this person happiness and freedom. At this stage of my life, I’ve never desired more deeply, nor more urgently to love and know intimately, my own heart and mind. And I wish the same for others.

I’m much more interested in focusing upon who and what I love, upon ideas, and the creative spirit, my garden, music, and beautiful things.

These days it’s ridiculously simple: it’s no longer mine to carry. And it’s none of my business, what they say or do. About me, or about anything. If anyone believes what they say, that’s not my business either. It’s a terrible cliché, but I know the truth, and that’s all that matters. The sense of freedom and lightness that comes from that is profound. It’s a deep, unshakeable knowing.

The rest is, um, chook poo.

…And meanwhile, in the garden, the moon blinked between the Spring leaves, and an owl hooted in a tree.

Then someone laughed, and snorted their wine, (moste un-ladylike ; ) A few of us laughed at that. And then things escalated, with laughter tearing through us like a contagion. We all fell about (literally, off our chairs and onto the grass). Actual lunatics. Uncontrollable, hysterical laughter. We weren’t even sure what we were laughing about, in the end.

I do recall someone calling me a “mad witch”, but that’s pretty much par for the course, these days.

The owl was understandably most put out by all the ruckus.

It was certainly the kind of laughter that banishes evil spirits, and jagged old spells. Laughter that reminds me that I’m free, and happy, and that life is good. Laughter shared among true equals has added power; shared with those who see you, and love you as you are.

Even the wine-snorters.

Tomorrow I get to spend much of the day with a dear-heart as we pootle around the mountain. Another unexpected treat, and I’m thoroughly chuffed.

Oh, and I’m still getting my head around Bob Dylan being awarded the Nobel Prize for Lit. But, hey.

Also, as a result of her tweets in the past week or so – absolute pearlers – I think I may be even more besotted with JK Rowling than ever.

In garden news, the parrots have eaten all my pumpkin and sunflower seeds, (I was ridiculously naive to plant them straight into the garden). So I shall be sowing them again – in punnets, and locking them away from these most charming of marauders. Truly, they are charming, those King parrots. Just one look of total amiability, and all is immediately forgiven.

Wishing you a delicious start to your week xxx

 

*I’m not a reviewer – the Bloke received a download of the album (for work) this morning.

 

 

 

 

 

8 thoughts on “Lunatics in the Garden.

  1. agnes obel is lovely. i may have to put the new album on my birthday list!

    that post by mel is very moving. my goddess, what goes awry with the world, with us, that we would question our true loves so? we do, though—we all do at some point, and are lucky if it doesn’t break us. i’m just so glad that the tale ended the way it did. so, so glad.

    personally, i think “witchy” beauty is ever so much more beautiful and interesting than the mainstream or celebrity kind. MUCH MORE. i occasionally do workshops on natural cosmetics, why it is important for health, how to make one’s own, or what to look for when shopping—henna and indigo hair color is always a huge topic of interest. and i think that once we really know—and embrace—who we are, we are in a position to be our most beautiful. at whatever life stage/age.

    it is a wonderful thing that the evil spell of self-doubt has been broken. loving ourselves and also finding others who love us for who/what we are is the most powerful magic charm i know. and laughter, of course! there is a huge and gorgeous power in a circle of women, especially if they can be in nature too. we need a great deal more of it, all around the world. that glorious laughter beneath the moon and stars, the kinship of an owl, the sense of sisterhood—these are our birthright, our ancient heritage, and our salvation. a beautiful madness that might just save us all.

    the nobel prize for literature going to dylan…i admit, i have mixed feelings. not about jk rowling, though—i find her very admirable. maybe i’ll write her in when i go to vote in a few weeks…at least she is: a) reasonably honest, b) not the antichrist, and c) knows what/where aleppo is…unlike any of the candidates we’ve got at the moment. actually, i had toyed with the thought of writing in alice walker, except that the election feels a bit too, er, heavy to mess about with it.

    good luck with the next round of seeds versus parrots!

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    1. Yet another moment where I would love to sit down with you and have a good natter! Because I love making bits and pieces for bath and skin, and hair. I did a herbal manufacturing course as part of my (not complete) Health Science degree, and I swear for most of us students, it was our favourite thing. I got so much out of it. As well as loving ayurveda for years – I think I shall start writing that post soon, and opening up the conversation further. I love that you teach workshops on natural cosmetics!

      I do like Leonard Cohen’s response to Bob Dylan’s Nobel win, which was, “to me [the award] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain”. Also, from what I’ve heard, Dylan (typically) hasn’t even responded to the Nobel people contacting him about it. Heheh.

      To be honest, I don’t envy any of you in the US around this election time. It’s a heavy one indeed. This one has so many ramifications for the entire world. But I (hope) that Trump is pretty much a dead duck now.

      “glorious laughter beneath the moon and stars, the kinship of an owl, the sense of sisterhood—these are our birthright, our ancient heritage, and our salvation. a beautiful madness that might just save us all”.
      Yes. Oh yes. And so beautifully said, my dear. Much love to you, xxx

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  2. Love the post as always dear heart. You inspire and surround us with the beauty of your writings. I need it so much at the minute. My soul mate is failing fast and each day I go to bed so grateful that I’ve had another day of his presence. Although we both know this existence is but one and we will be together again it still hurts. But I have been heartened by the outpourings of love from online friends who are making a blanket of patches for my loved ones coffin and journey. 100+ patches in just 3 days? We feel humbled as everyone is sharing their thoughts of where they met us or why they are using the yarn they chose. There is so much beauty, sometimes I need reminding. Ps henna is fab. I use a mix of powdered henna and Lush caca so each time I dye my hair it is subtly different as I never measure;) thank you for introducing me to Agnes Obel sometime back. I have now put the latest CD on order xxx

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    1. Dearest amber, I have been wondering about you. Particularly as I haven’t read anything new on your blog, and thought you must have be carrying a lot at the moment.
      And I am indeed so sorry to hear that you are.

      I was so incredibly moved to read of the blanket your friends are making. What a beautiful act of love and caring.

      On beauty: I haven’t yet tried the Lush henna products, but I’ve heard they’re excellent. I love that there is a delightful surprise each time we use henna. I’m never disappointed with the results.

      And I’m so glad you enjoy Agnes Obel : )
      Love and hugs to you, lovely woman. xxx

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  3. oh, your witchy weekend sounds marvelous! i’m so very glad you were finally able to oust the insidious poison shards of that horribly broken soul. it’s such a huge step to be able to separate ourselves from OPS {Other People’s Shit}, isn’t it? especially when we’ve been bludgeoned over the head with the idea we’re *supposed* to take on the toxic sludge of others. Girl-child and i have this conversation very often….she, like me, is an HSP/empath sort who soaks up other people’s energy like a great fecking sponge. i’m hoping that teaching her about healthy boundaries now will help her avoid the various forms of merde that i experienced.

    oh, henna!! funny you should mention it!! i just did my hair again last weekend. It’s been ages since i did it last and i toyed with the whole letting the grey come through/embracing my age and all that but then i realized that i put henna in my hair because i LOVE how it feels — the whole, claggy, muddy, ritual and how it makes my hair feel and because i love the red it brings out. It has nothing to do with ‘covering up’ and everything to do with revealing how i feel on the inside. i would very much love to hear your thoughts on such delicious pretties — how refreshing to have a real-world view…..witchy beauty is by far the most luscious kind. 🙂

    and thank you for the mention….i’m all alight! i just “spoke” with the lovely lady who gave us our jumping lesson and at got us signed up for a cross-country clinic next weekend!! *squeeeee!* things are happening and yes, you’ll hear more about my lovely boy, i’m sure. 😉

    happiest of days to you, birthday girl! xoxoxoxoxoxoox

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    1. A cross-country clinic sounds brilliant! I’m so happy for you, Mel. Every time I think of you and Buzz now I get happy tears welling up. I can’t wait to hear more. Cuddles and carrots for Buzz ; )

      All that you say about OPS, sensitivity, empathy, boundaries. Oh feck yes. I’ve had huge lessons there, and trying to help my girl with that stuff at the moment. I’m so very glad that she’s a faster learner than I ever was ; )

      As for henna – you so completely nailed it with what you say about not it not being about covering up, but more about revealing – yessss! I love the whole delicious, yummy, messy, creative experience. It holds the power of ritual for me, even though that can sound a bit silly.

      Thanks for the birthday wishes, dear one. So much love and bear hugs to you! xxx

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  4. beautiful, beautiful, such a luxurious great glowing of beautiful.

    I like the new Agnes song Familiar, although it does sound a little like Somebody I Used to Know by Goyte (shudder) …

    I wish you a wonderful, marvellous, witch-wise, bird-blessed, beautiful birthday ❤

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  5. Sarah – I think you might be right about the Gotye! Although I hardly listened to their music at all, so I haven’t got the association. But yes…the rest of the album is quite different to that track.

    And thankyou m’lovely for your beautiful birthday wishes. I never intended to really even do much to mark my birthday. This one felt as though it was taken out of my hands completely. Perhaps they are the best ones – the ones we surrender to and are surprised and humbled by. Love xxx

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