Such a frightful wutherin’ gale blew about the house this morning! It’s died down now. But it was all in a lather at 5am when it woke me, blasting in from the South Pole. And then I was wide awake, listening to the wind wailing and fussing. I’ve too much of the element of air to delight in a gale. High winds tear open the chambers in my heart and mind, and I feel too restless. I fear I may float away with the wind, and not make my way back to earth. So I stay close to the earth, burrowed deep. The winds today carry shriekings of ice. A properly wintry day.
But here at Rapunzel’s, the sounds of the tempest were mixed with the sustained and gentle songs of the wind chimes, strung around the eaves of the cottage. I adore wind chimes, releasing songs of peace and magic into the air. These sounds soothed me as I lit incense, and brewed a cuppa by candelight in the pre-dawn kitchen. Merlin singed his fur on the candle flame, because he insisted upon perching on the countertop. I require supervision, you see. And he’s just always right there with me.
Yesterday, I spent the entire day in the garden, pruning, rescuing strangled trees from rampant potato vine and jasmine, digging out arum lilies (a noxious pest here); composting, mulching. Creating new garden beds too, and planning some no-dig terraces to make my hilly garden more manageable. I was a grubby, happy mud-wife by the end of the day.
Today there is work to be done, (mostly research, but also neglected domestickals). I have a large pile of books beside me, and I’m going to dive in there.
As we drifted off to sleep last night, the Bloke put his hand on my back and whispered to me, “you are a good person, you have such a good heart”. And some part of me breathed out, and drank that in deeply.
And I thought about how I wouldn’t change a thing. The people and places I have let go of, those I keep close, and how I have come home. How beautiful I find the world, but how little I want to be in it. That I’m now focused on wanting to give something of value, that’s born out of finding a deep, yet simple happiness. As well as a homespun, (not very sparkly, but real nonetheless) gratitude for what I have – my home, my loves, (yes, even Merlin), my work.
I also thought about how my experience of unkindness has taught me even more the value of kindness, and believing that people are basically doing their best, even at their most toxic. That when others are dishonest, I try to be more honest in my life. When they are ungenerous – through fear, jealousy, or a fear of vulnerability (or whatever), I try to remember to be both generous and vulnerable. I don’t always get it right, but I value these things greatly. And it’s keeping the diamond in your mind*, right?
I tell myself that character and consistency are truths in themselves, and will win out over falseness and misrepresentation. My focus these days is on the beauty of creating, giving, and loving in the ways that I am able.
Wishing you sunshine, and flowers, and excellent tea. xx
*Thankyou Tom Waits and Kathleen Brennan.